okay so.
you used to work at snabbit. then you left.
and when snabbit shifted to bangalore, i messaged you — genuinely just curious — something like "did u leave snabbit?"
that's it. that was the whole thing. genuine curiosity, nothing more.
and now a part of me is attached to you.
funny how that works.
here's a thing about you that is genuinely annoying and also kind of my favourite thing about you.
you always go first.
i wanted to call. you called.
i wanted to say i liked you first. you said it first.
every time i'm working up the courage to do something, you've already done it.
it's infuriating. i'm trying to get better, i promise.
but also — thank you. genuinely.
about the nickname.
pinu is my home name.
the kind of name only certain people from a certain part of your life are allowed to use.
i have told you, multiple times, to not call me that.
you call me pinu anyway.
i don't know what to do with the fact that i've stopped minding.
for the record —
i used to tease you about bihar.
and about how you sometimes act like you don't want to talk to me.
the bihar thing — affectionate. always.
the "you don't want to talk to me" thing — i think i said that because i was scared it was true. it wasn't. you always come back. that's the thing about you.
if you were a flower —
you'd be a sunflower.
obviously.
there's one thing i keep coming back to.
we'd video call for hours. about nothing. about everything. i don't even remember what we talked about half the time.
i just remember thinking — this is nice. i don't want this to stop.
i still think about that sometimes.
more than i probably should.
this is the part where i say something i genuinely mean.
you're a freak about love. you feel things hard. you want things to be real.
and yet — you don't settle.
a lot of people with your capacity for feeling end up lowering their standards just to have someone. you don't. you hold the line even when it costs you.
i respect that more than i know how to say.
not many people can do that.
this year wasn't easy.
someone made you feel like your feelings were too much, or not worth it, or whatever the version of the lie was that he told you.
i'm not going to say a lot about that.
you didn't deserve that. not even slightly.
and i hope this year — starting today, starting right now — is so much better that it makes you forget what it felt like to not be treated well.
you have standards for a reason. keep them.
you matter more than i let on.
— end transmission.
(okay. back to the jokes.)
you're still scrolling.
i made this long enough that i thought you'd give up halfway.
you didn't.
(this is the part i wouldn't say out loud.)
(easier in a long scroll.)
(don't make it weird.)
if bangalore-mumbai wasn't a thing, i'd:
(i'm working on the last one.)
rate this friendship honestly:
reasons today should be good:
i don't know exactly what this year looks like for you.
but here's what i hope —
okay. something real incoming.
brace yourself.
…just kidding. one more section.
keep being you —
the kind of person who goes first, feels things hard, and doesn't settle. even when it's difficult. especially when it's difficult.
the end.
…(one more thing.)
okay. actual last thing.
i don't attach to people easily.
i'm scared they'll leave. so i keep a little distance, just in case.
i know i don't always seem emotionally present. i know i'm the one who doesn't call first.
i really really like you.
i'm attached to you. properly. in the way i don't let myself get attached to people.
and i want you to stay. for a long time.
happy birthday, aastha.
(now go eat something good
and pretend you didn't read the last part.)